Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
