Since when is my name a synonym for head?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
