oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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