did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
