She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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