Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
