season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
