2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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