Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
