I bet he comes in French.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
