New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
