when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
