I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
