Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
