like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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