I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
