You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
