Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
