I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
