I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
