You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
