My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
honey bunches of taint.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
