I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
