I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
