yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
