Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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