I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The air was thick with penises
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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