im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She's JV to your varsity
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
