I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
