Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
