Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
