I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
