Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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