its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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