Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
