I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
