Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
