I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
