Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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