I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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