I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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