I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
