Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
