if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
