dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
