i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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