maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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