I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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