Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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