i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
